A Quantum Diaries Survivor

Ok, I do not feel particularly politically correct tonight, so let me dump here a thought about the american society. Something I have convinced myself of during long years of experience of the american way of life. Be prepared, what I say below might be outrageous for you. But it is my thinking and it belongs here… Sorry if you disagree.

I think a good 80%, a strong majority, of american men behave as assholes in their private lives.

Why do I think that ? After all, I work with americans day in and day out. I have come to appreciate the easy manners, straight thinking, and results-oriented way of working of americans (both men and women). Most of the americans I know in the scientific world are extraordinary people. Sure, but these are a very tiny, biased minority. The ones I work with are PhD recipients or will be such soon, are extremely intelligent, open-minded, cultured. I think the male scientists I know do not represent the general category of the american males.

No, what I am talking about are the ordinary Joes who beat their wives, abuse them, betray them, and divorce running away from their duties, leaving kids behind. I see so many of these stories as I get to know more people in the US that I have come to think of it as a normal routine. I have touched with my own hand stories of women that seem the photocopy of one another.

Sure, this is not a trademark of America only. The same thing happens throughout the world. The condition of women in most countries is far, far worse than here. Of course! But we are talking about one the richest countries in the world. A place where women have acquired the same rights as men long ago, a place where in a few years the President might be a woman (well, that would just make the US join Finland, Germany, and many other countries). 

In Italy, men beat women too, although it does not seem so widespread as in the US. There are many things one could criticize about the condition of women in my country, but it is not as strikingly due to the fault of italian men as it seems to happen in America.

The engine behind the huge numer of divorces in the US and the abusive situations that occur in many families appears to be the feeling american men have that they deserve better. They deserve more, they cannot accept mediocrity, they have to get what they want, they cannot lose, they, they. Egotism in its purest form.

Let me tell a story. Maybe you’ve heard it already ? Joe and Jane are young. They marry, move far away from their respective families, where Joe’s job leads them. They live happily for a few years. Then kids arrive, and money gets tight. Joe feels the stress of the situation, has to work more to cope with monthly bills, sees his wife less. His wife has no support from her distant relatives, she is overburdened with family duties and her own work, and cannot be any longer the sweety pie she was years before with his husband. Joe becomes suspicious, can’t see where the money goes, beats Jane. This definitely worsen their relationship, until Jane falls in depression. Joe escapes whenever he can, finds another Jane, and decides to leave his wife alone with the kids. He deserves better.

How many of these stories do you know ? They are so frequent they have become a stereotype.

Now, part of the fault is in the american society, which forces in its citizens the idea that they must succeed, as opposed to become losers. It’s a dicotomy. Men are brought up with the idea that they deserve everything because they are the fantastic people they are. They deserve to succeed, and if they fail it is not their fault, but somebody else’s.

However, the american society is nothing but american men and women. Women who share a bit of the responsibility for bringing up totally spoiled children. It is sad, but true.

I have a real admiration for the average american woman, in any case. American women are strong, because the environment makes them such. They have to cope with their mates, and it is not an easy task. They have to be down-to-earth, and they live in a hostile environment, one still mostly governed by males. They often end up bringing up their kids by themselves. And by the time they are done, their life is not easier, it’s gone.

Ok, I think I have been enough politically incorrect today. I fear I will get flamed tomorrow, but too bad, I felt like writing what I think.