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Simulations and fellatios November 13, 2006

Posted by dorigo in computers, humor, language, personal, physics, science, social life.
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At a talk in Corfu last year I had a slide to warn experimental physicists working in high energy particle experiments to not trust too much their Monte Carlo simulations, which have become such unavoidable a tool for the production of physics results and papers, that more time is spent looking at simulated events than real data in most of the analyses. Actually, sometimes real data is locked in, and researchers are only allowed to look at simulations to decide the analysis cuts, methodology, and claims.

My slide was easy to reproduce here, only text and little of it actually. Here it is:

Simulation – from the latin “simulacrum“…

My Websters offers the following:

1) The act of simulating. Pretense, feigning.

2) A simulating resemblance

3) An imitation or counterfeit

4) The use of a computer program to calculate, by means of extrapolation, the effect of a given physical process.

So, not the most benignant definition one could think of. Actually, I sometimes liken the affection to simulation particle physicists have grown in recent years, and their shift of focus from real data to simulations, to the sexual practices many men end up preferring to intercourse in their marital bed.

Fellatios in fact represent a simulation of the penetration of the vagina, just as Monte Carlo events represent a simulation of the real ones. By entertaining themselves with the former rather than the latter, men and physicists commit a sin, since the natural course of events is subverted, and the ultimate goal of the whole thing is not achieved: a fertile ejaculation in the woman’s womb, or the understanding of physical reality.

That said, I personally could not care less about fellatios being a sinful act, but I do prefer the real thing if you ask me: looking at the data arouses sexual instincts in me much more than running a WH generation…

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