Cruise on Scientology: how full of s* can you be ? January 17, 2008Posted by dorigo in humor, news, religion, science.
Being a devout follower of the church of South Park, I know the ins and outs of Scientology pretty well. And I am aware of the fact that one of its leaders, Tom Cruise, is a person seriously in need of help. So the video clip I saw today, an excerpt of an interview where he speaks of what a scientologist can do to save the rest of us, did not overly impress me . However, I was indeed impressed by the man: looking at him in the eyes when he utters his claims allows one to realize that if we ever built a full-o-s*tometer, we’d have to consider him before setting the range, because on that one count Cruise can’t be surpassed.
Here is a transcript of a piece of his interview:
“I think it is a privilege to call oneself a scientologist, and it is something one has to earn, and…because a scientologist does. Because he or she has the ability to create new and better realities and improve conditions. I think scientology means looking at somebody you know and know absolutely that you can help him.
We are the authorities on getting people out of drugs. We’re the authorities of the mind. We are the authorities of improving conditions. Criminals: we can rehabilitate criminals. Way to happiness: we can bring peace and we can unite cultures. Traveling the world and meeting the people that I’ve met, now, talking with these leaders, in various fields… They want help, and they are depending on people who know, and who can be effective and do it. And that’s us.
It is the time now. Now, is the time! Ok ?”
He really sets the scale. I propose the Cruise as a unit of measurement for full-of-s*tness. It is something quite large, like a Farad or a Coulomb, if you know what I mean. Ordinary, lesser men and women, will be measured in micro-Cruises and nano-Cruises. It is quite convenient as a unit of measurement also because Tom Cruise is still young and its f.o.s. value is quite constant in time, so we will have a reference point for a long time.
(NB: the video was removed by YouTube, but it often reappears here and there… Search it for yourself if you’re in for a laugh!)