Think like an experimental particle physicist – second (and last) part February 27, 2009
Posted by dorigo in games, humor, physics, science.Tags: HEP, humor, physics
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While putting together the scores to evaluate the answers to the 11 questions of the previous post, I realized that they are not enough for a fair classification. So here are a few more quizzes for those of you who found my effort worth paying back with five more minutes of your time.
- K) You are found in the library of your Department. Why was that ?
- Why, I had an hour to kill…
- I am just checking out the new librarian (he/she’s cute).
- They told me there are coupons to cut away for free radioactive samples on this month’s issue of Physics Today.
- They threatened to expel me if I did not bring back the overdue copy of DH. Perkins’ book.
- L) How much is 87 times 945 ?
- About 80 thousand.
- About 82 thousand.
- I left my pocket calculator in the office upstairs.
- (after a minute) 82,215 (ignore my fast breathing).
- 82 215 (mind the space -I take pride in following AIP style rules!).
- More or less 10^5.
- M) The mean-looking airport cop finds an electronic board wrapped in a sweater in your carry-on.
- You go back to the check-in counter: you came early on purpose.
- You try to explain it is innocuous HEP hardware.
- You manage to power it up by fiddling with the laptop power cord to show the two-digit LCD mounted on it does come alive.
- You start arguing that the sign with red crosses on lighters, firearms and batteries mentions nothing even vaguely resembling a CAMAC module.
- You let them dump it, too bad for science -and whoever uses CAMAC nowadays, after all.
- N) Your paper draft receives really nasty comments from your collaborators
- You write down the names of the bad guys on your small red booklet in the bottom drawer – their time in front of the muzzle will come one day!
- You answer in kinds on a rage, with carbon-copy to the spokespersons, making a fool of yourself.
- You answer as politely as you can in a very detailed manner, cursing yourself softly while you feel like you’ve bent over.
- You decide the paper really is not worth that much and forget about it for a month or two.
- O) After your presentation is over, the session convener asks a tough question and you do not even know what he or she is talking about.
- You say you do not know the answer and display your best smile, hiding the sweating.
- You repeatedly pretend you did not understand the sentence until he or she decides it’s time to move on.
- You think it wasn’t such a good idea to grab that last-minute chance for a plenary talk.
- You go to a random back-up slide and discuss it in detail for five minutes, trying to look meaningful.
- P) A science reporter calls and asks you information on the hunt for supersymmetry.
- You feel flattered, get carried away, and end up disclosing reserved information from your experiment.
- You direct him or her to the experiment spokespersons.
- You pretend you’re the switchboard operator.
- You ask what magazine is that for, and after hearing it’s “New Scientist” you hang up.
- Q) They sent you a paper to be reviewed. It sucks big time.
- Feeling true to your duties, you implacably point out each and every imperfection with rigor and an occasional bit of sadism.
- You reckon nobody’s going to read the paper anyway, so you send back two lines saying the paper looks ok but would they please use AIP style rules ?
- You are fought between your duties and your compassion for the poor post-doc who did most of the work to get the paper to your desk, and try to balance the two things, ending up screwing both -the author feels raped and the paper does not get any better from your review.
- You would never accept to get into an editorial board, it’s just such a waste of research time.
- R) You are on owl shift and your colleagues are out of the room for coffee and cookies, when every screen turns red, alarms sound, and an ominous-looking warning sign start flashing on the silicon cooling contol panel.
- You run to the silicon crash button and press it.
- You silence all alarms and fetch the emergency procedures folder, then start reading it
- You rush to call your colleagues.
- You sneak out, join your colleagues and serve yourself a coffee, then look over the glass door and mention there appears to be something flashing inside as if you just noticed it.
- S) You feel you think like an experimental particle physicist because…
- You do not work in HEP, but at least one answer in each of the 19 questions above made a lot of sense to you
- You read this blog and you think it really does not take much to be a HEP physicist.
- You are a theorist and although you have trouble with practicalities you think experimentalists have similar thinking processes.
- You are a scientist from another field and you know how to tie your shoes.
- You are a scientist from another field and you wear sandals.
- You are sure you do not think like an experimental particle physicist in the least.
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K) 1
L) 2
M) 2
N) 3
O) 4 😀 as usual
P) 4
Q) 3, poor guy, usually its advisor’s problem.
R) 1!! I panicked!
S) 4
K) 2 (it would have been 4 since a while ago)
L) 6
M) 4 (drop it? You never know when a CAMAC module could be handy again!)
N) 3 (being me. But I know lots that would choose 2)
O) 4 🙂
P) 2
Q) Mmmm, I guess a mixture of 1 and 3
R) 1
S) 2 🙂 (but I do wear sandals, at least in summer, even if I’m not from another field)
k 4 (but 2 if it is the next day, and the day after the next one etc…)
l 2
m 1
n 1
o 4 (and say “remember you can find everything of it in the papers…”, in a very serious and disappointed mood)
p 3
q 1 (definitely!)
r 1 (if I can justify with safety or similar, it should be a satisfaction without any comparison)
s 5 (well, I was born as an experimental particle physicist, I still consifer myself one, but I like to wear sandals)
Come on, it’s always the last answer that should fit you right in. At least that’s my experience with HEP physicists. Though, there may be a reason why I left the field a long time ago 🙂
K4
L6
M1
N1
O3
P1
Q3
R3
S6
K3
L1
M3
N1
O4
P1
Q1
R1 Oh god I’ve always wanted to hit one of those.
S2
K2
L6
M2
N3
O3
P1
Q3
R3
S6 (Well, I should admit it)
K2
L3+6
M2
N1
O4
P4
Q3
R3
S2 (hey, wait, I *am* an experimental particle physicist!)
K4, L2, M4, N3, O4, P2, Q1, R1, S1
I used to be quite expert on CAMAC modules but that was 1982 and I assumed that they were no longer used. I designed and built the trigger module used in the first double beta decay experiment at UC Irvine. This was a time projection chamber with Helmholtz coils around a sheet of mylar coated with an isotope of selenium. And I did a CAMAC command module for an experiment at Los Alamos (for Herb Chen, it was mostly used to measure temperatures using thermocouples) and also a couple of modules used by a plasma lab to measure small currents and voltages.
K.3
L.4
M.2
N.3
O.3
P.2
Q.1
R.3
S.1
I shall recalculate my final result now.
2
1
3
3
4
4
1
2
7 I’m a sudent (of particle physics)!
k2
l5
m1
n2
o4
p2
q3
r1 ->3
s6 (does it count PhD 🙂 )
K1
L1
M2
N4
O3
P4
Q1
R4
S4
K2
L 2
M2
M1
O4
P3
Q1
R4
S 3